Thursday, June 9, 2011

Searching...

My husband read a tweet to me this morning. One twitter user he follows suggested that when one blogs the writer presumes that everything s/he has to say is important. I get it. I really do. I think that's the quiet reason I've not posted anything in over a month. Who really wants to read what I write? I mean, I don't really care if you read or not and sometimes I wonder about making every one of my thoughts public. Would you want everyone to read your diary? Not me. And yet I continue to type...wondering if someone thinks I presume what I have to say important.

There are millions of blogs out there; bloggers who write of everything from...well...everything. Some I read faithfully; some one or two posts never to return. I'm searching for a blog to read that connects with me at this point in my life. Why? I don't know. Maybe to see if I'm "doing it right." I'm a non-employed, frumpy, homeschooling housewife with two teenage boys in the home. What is my life supposed to look like? The only other IRL (in real life) person who homeschooled her boy who was near my boys' ages is no longer homeschooling her son. I feel deserted. I have no "little ones" at home now and feel like I am not connected IRL to anyone...nothing in common with anyone anymore. So, I search for blogs of moms just like me. Moms in the same situation, same season of life, same values, same same same so I can see if my life looks like it should look.

Crazy notion isn't it? I'm just not sure of myself. Not sure of what a middle aged, frumpy, overweight, homeschooling mother of teenage boys, mom to one married, adult daughter is supposed to do, say, look like.

I miss the years of cuddling on the couch reading a Five in a Row book with my little guys.Now they don't want to have any lessons. I miss that they used to wake early in the mornings ready to eat breakfast and then play... or play and then eat breakfast. Now they stay up too late and wake up too late. I miss that they used to beg me to let them help me stir the chocolate chips into the cookie dough. Now they want oreos. I miss that they wanted kool aid. Now they want gator aid.

I guess I didn't do a very good job of growing with them. And so I am searching.

5 comments:

The Shades of Pink said...

Unfortunately with the technological world we live in it's more difficult to connect with those around you...but easier to connect to with people far away (Actually I don't consider that a bad thing).

I think that's why a lot of us blog, for the connection. ESPECIALLY as homeschoolers. It can be a pretty lonely job. And support is right there, at the computer screen.

Love ya Oney!

Jan Marie said...

Hi Oney. . .been missing you at Christian Paper Crafts so I thought I come to your neighborhood . .so thankful you're well! Nearly all of the mom's in our fellowship homeschool. Most are about where you are in terms of the age of their children. . .pre and early teens. Some are off to college, Air Force Academy, etc., some are graduated from college and starting families of their own. . .your identity is in the Lord, not what others are doing or how you measure up. . .or compare. . .here's a post that you might find encouraging: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-as-a-mission-field
Blessings! Miss you and you're in my prayers! Janaria from CPC

Teresa Kline said...

Hi Oney, I do not have children, so I cannot say I understand. I do care though and I can hear the desire for something more in your thoughts....my thought is you probably have done and are doing a great job, it is when we don't question and think we have it all figured out that something is wrong. The comment ahead of me mentions Christian Paper Crafts, I found your blog by hopping from other paper crafters blogs. I too encourage you to start crafting, cards are a great way to share love and encouragement in the lives of others. If you visit my blog the post up is from another Christian Challenge Blog, Stampin Sisters In Christ...I hope to see you around and I am sending blessings your way!

enjoy *~*

Jonia said...

Oney been missing you at CPC and thought I would check in with you! I hope you are doing well! We do miss our babies and that is why now I am enjoying my grandchildren. My little man just turned 1 last week and he is a sweet little one. Hope to see you back at CPC soon!

Anonymous said...

Hi Oney!
I so enjoyed your post.........just stumbled across your blog while on the FIAR boards. I've distantly followed the FIAR boards for many years and like you, feel that time is slipping away, as I have one teenager.

You have invested many wonderful years and memories with your teens...........cherish those, but, encourage them and yourself to keep moving forward. I know our family is looking for ways to serve..........it always helps me to regain perspective on my own, often lonely, life. There are so many others that are searching for meaning in life; share with them your wisdom and encourage them with your faith in Jesus Christ.

You have served your family faithfully and with much sacrifice!!

Hugs to you, my friend.

love,
Cheryl