Thursday, June 9, 2011


My husband read a tweet to me this morning. One twitter user he follows suggested that when one blogs the writer presumes that everything s/he has to say is important. I get it. I really do. I think that's the quiet reason I've not posted anything in over a month. Who really wants to read what I write? I mean, I don't really care if you read or not and sometimes I wonder about making every one of my thoughts public. Would you want everyone to read your diary? Not me. And yet I continue to type...wondering if someone thinks I presume what I have to say important.

There are millions of blogs out there; bloggers who write of everything from...well...everything. Some I read faithfully; some one or two posts never to return. I'm searching for a blog to read that connects with me at this point in my life. Why? I don't know. Maybe to see if I'm "doing it right." I'm a non-employed, frumpy, homeschooling housewife with two teenage boys in the home. What is my life supposed to look like? The only other IRL (in real life) person who homeschooled her boy who was near my boys' ages is no longer homeschooling her son. I feel deserted. I have no "little ones" at home now and feel like I am not connected IRL to anyone...nothing in common with anyone anymore. So, I search for blogs of moms just like me. Moms in the same situation, same season of life, same values, same same same so I can see if my life looks like it should look.

Crazy notion isn't it? I'm just not sure of myself. Not sure of what a middle aged, frumpy, overweight, homeschooling mother of teenage boys, mom to one married, adult daughter is supposed to do, say, look like.

I miss the years of cuddling on the couch reading a Five in a Row book with my little guys.Now they don't want to have any lessons. I miss that they used to wake early in the mornings ready to eat breakfast and then play... or play and then eat breakfast. Now they stay up too late and wake up too late. I miss that they used to beg me to let them help me stir the chocolate chips into the cookie dough. Now they want oreos. I miss that they wanted kool aid. Now they want gator aid.

I guess I didn't do a very good job of growing with them. And so I am searching.